What Lies Beneath
by Masked-Writer-In-Disguise
Summary: AU. 1st person Sai-centric. 'I'm human, too. I need exactly what everybody else needs, but I don't know how to go about getting it in a 'socially acceptable' manner, so I get it the only way I know how; I sleep with people.' Rated for adult conversation.


_**Masked-Writer-In-Disguise:**__ Alrighty, then. This is another story about Sasuke and Sai that I happened to find in my binder while I was cleaning it out. I think I was writing it around exam time a while ago… I always seem to write in first person around exams. Anyway, this is Sai's POV and its kinda depressing 'cause I was kinda depressed around the time because there were a lot of things going on… like my bestest friend moving out of state… Anyway, read it if you dare!_

_Thank you for your time!_

_**Disclaimer:**__ I don't own Naruto. Short, sweet and to the point… I can never tell where the spaces are when I type in Italics…_

_**Inspiration:**__ I'm not really sure anymore… I think it had something to do with What Lies Beneath: Breaking Benjamin. Its kinda a sad song…_

&~o~o~o~o~o~o~&

_What Lies Beneath_

_By: Masked-Writer-In-Disguise_

So, what exactly do they see when they look at me? I'm a slut or a bitch or a whore or a tactless nobody or 'that art kid'. I'm not exactly me; I'm someone else. They don't see me for me because all they see are my good looks that I feel are worthless when it comes right down to it, the piercings in my belly button (which makes me a slutty whore), my nipples and my face… because that's really all this world cares about; looks. Humans are a superficial race, not taking time to actually _see_ a person before they judge them, and that fact will probably never change; especially among the general high school population.

The majority of my peers see a shameless slut, mainly because of my clothes and piercings, except for a select few, namely Sasuke, Naruto, Kiba, Kankurou, Gaara and Shino. I'm sure there are a few others, but the one's I mentioned I talk to on a regular basis and they don't put up fronts for me. Even the teachers have given up on me; well, not Kakashi-sensei, the Lit teacher. He's always giving me advice and second (or fiftieth) chances to improve myself. These select few see someone behind the face and the clothes and the walk and the personality one develops when they live in an orphanage with 50 other kids. Those select few know my past and why I act the way I do; they know about the abuse and abandonment and the nights left on my own to lick my wounds, the constant struggle to make and keep friends. They know _me_…

And that means a lot to me. The people I've known in the past didn't give a damn about me; I was a 'good fuck' or a 'great model but they found someone better' or a 'failed artist' or a 'great singer with no passion.' I can take insults, I really can, but I can only take so much. I'm human, too. I need exactly what everybody else needs, but I don't know how to go about getting it in a 'socially acceptable' manner, so I get it the only way I know how; I sleep with people.

Every time I leave the latest fuck, I feel emptier than before I went to them. Whatever I'm doing, it's not working and, due to the emotional stunting (that's what the therapists called it) I've been through in my life, I don't know how to fill that void, how to be accepted or acknowledged or _seen_ and not in the visual sense, but in the sense that I'm _Sai_ and not 'that slut that hangs out with Naruto and Sasuke.'

But I don't feel that way right now, not with Sasuke pressed up against me in an abandoned hallway of our school with his lips pressed against mine and his arms wrapped around the back of my neck, holding me in place (as if I would run). We parted slowly and I tightened my grip on his hips and rested my forehead in the crook of his neck. You see, this felt right to me… Of course it did; it went against the social norm. It was different than all the other people. I closed my eyes and focused on breathing and holding back tears that threatened to spill out for no reason. Sasuke started to pull back, but my hands tightened even more.

"What is it, Sai?" he murmured into my ear. It was a concerned whisper, nothing at all like how Sasuke usually sounded, and the tears won out. "Sai?"

"This isn't a onetime thing, is it?" I didn't mean to say it, but it just slipped out. I guess I'd just had enough of sleeping around and I'd found the one person that I could be with and they didn't make it a point to make me feel worthless. "I'm sorry, I just-"

"No, it's not just 'a onetime thing.' I'm not like that," Sasuke whispered and threaded his fingers through my hair, pulling my head up only to plant another kiss on my lips. "Stop crying." He sounded helpless.

"Sorry, I just… I don't… I don't know how to…" I stopped rambling when I realized I couldn't really say what I needed to say, couldn't put it into words.

I wiped my tears away and whispered (because whispering felt right too and talking in a normal voice was far too loud), "We should probably get to class before Kakashi-sensei does."

"He'll know anyway; he always does."

"Yeah, that's true, but he'll know what happened too… and if he doesn't, I'll tell him; I always do," I smiled as I pulled away slowly. "C'mon."

Sasuke allowed me to pull him along the halls towards the Lit room. As a last minute thought, I glanced behind us only to find Kakashi rounding the corner with his nose in a book of questionable repute. When he was facing us he glanced up with his mismatched eyes and winked with a mischievous grin, the hand that was usually buried in his pocket making 'hurry up' motions and his usually slow pace slower than usual. I smiled to myself and picked up the pace and we were soon walking through the door to the Lit room.

Silence fell gradually as we made our way through the room to our usual seats in the back next to a grinning Naruto. I briefly wondered why until I felt Sasuke readjust his grip on my hand; I was still holding on to the raven, and I knew exactly what they were all thinking: Sasuke's gone and fallen into that slut's trap (or mouth, depending on who was thinking the thought…)

And my resolve faltered. What if I were actually everything they think I am? What if I were going to hurt Sasuke, however unintentionally? I admit to sleeping with multiple men; I'm so far from being a virgin. What if Sasuke didn't want me because f that? Was I being ridiculous to even be thinking of trying to have a relationship with someone I'd have to see every day? Was I being ridiculous to even be thinking of have a relationship that extended beyond the bedroom? I was anything but skilled in the art of having a conversation. I said too many things that hurt people, drove them away. What if I did that to Sasuke?

I took my seat and finally let go of Sasuke's hand, bringing my own up to fold demurely with its partner on top of the obviously fake wood pattern on my desk. I started chewing my cheek and the whispers began.

"Are they together?"

"They probably are, but I don't really care." That one was Kankurou.

"Did Sasuke-kun really just walk in here with that slut?"

"Does it really matter?" That was Shino.

"How could he? Sasuke's mine!"

"I think they look good together. Plus, Ino, you know you couldn't get either one of them; they're way out of your league." That one came from right next to me; Naruto.

Sasuke's eyes rested on me; I could feel them running over me, their weight heavy with worry, but I didn't look at him. I stared at the pattern of my desk, absently picking at the corner that had started peeling. That pattern was interrupted by the white sheet of lined paper sliding onto the smooth surface with Sasuke's handwriting filling the first line.

_Don't listen to them, Sai. I'm the one that kissed you, wasn't I? They're worthless._

I let a small sheepish smile shine through as I glanced at Sasuke out of the corner of my eye. He was looking at me with a raised eyebrow, heated eyes and his infamous smirk.

"'Kay," I said aloud.

"Good. Now, I want my paper back."

"You gave it to me," I pouted.

The noise in the room reached a new high, students yelling speculations across the room in the absence of a responsible teacher; it's not like they cared about how I felt about their accusations anyway. The group that usually hung out with Sasuke and me were doing their best to keep people from bugging us and ruining our moment, trying to defend us in every valiant way possible…

And Kakashi walked in.

"Mah… A'ight! E'reyone, shut it!" How Kakashi managed to get around the guidelines for being a proper teacher, no one really knew, but everyone respected him for it (well, the students did), and as a result, the class went immediately silent. "A'ight," Kakashi began, kicking the door closed behind him, "I don't care if they're having sex in the boys' bathroom at lunch. Y'all ain't gonna talk about them like that in my presence, and if you do, I have the threat of detention and weekends of community service, got it?" he fixed the main dissenters with a heavy glare that was met with silence.

"'m glad we understand each other. Now I thank those of you that were trying to shut them up, and on that happy note, it's time for class, so stay quiet."

The room was silent except for Kakashi's voice going through last night's reading. Well, thank god for sensei, I guess. It's nice to know I have someone looking out for me, even if it's only for one hour in Kakashi-sensei's classroom. I'm not really used to having people care; not after my brother died. Naruto was the first since Shin because I moved into his neighborhood over a summer a few years ago, and lived right next door. We can talk to each other with paper and Sharpies from our bedroom windows. Then Sasuke started going over to the idiot's house; that's when he came in. next was Kiba and Kankurou; they practically lived at Naruto's that summer and I've come to notice that that's completely normal for them. Fourth came Gaara and Shino; Naruto had thrown a videogame overnight party that I had been invited to and they came along with the other three. Kakashi came last because he was a teacher; he saw me struggling and gave me something to look forward to when I came to school in the morning. His was the only class I was getting an A in and it had absolutely nothing to do with me bribing and/or sucking off a teacher.

Yeah, teachers have offered A's in exchange for me giving them a blowjob or something else of the sexual nature, but I've always turned them down. I'm better than that, even if nobody else seems to think so.

After class Kakashi pulled me aside, smiling in his usual friendly way at Sasuke and Naruto as the exited the room. When all of the students were out of the room Kakashi began, "I hear the science teacher, Anko-sensei, is offering you an A."

"Yeah, I'm not taking it though. I never do," I said and sat down in Kakashi's desk chair. I always got away with it.

"What did she want you to do this time?"

"Have sex with her on video… I thought it was illegal for a teacher to proposition a student…"

"It is, but this school has a tendency to not exactly follow the rules." Kakashi looked at me with his all-knowing eyes and said, "Everything people are saying about you is finally catching up with you, isn't it?"

I nodded and looked down, a far cry from how I usually acted. "Why do they say all those things about me? At least to my face. Don't they understand I can hear them?"

Kakashi sighed and leaned his hips against his desk and shoving his hands into his pockets. His face screwed up a little bit before he started talking. "I don't know why they say what they say. The human race has a tendency to need to complain about something and that something is usually a little controversial. You're strange; they don't get that, don't understand it, so they pick at it, try to make you just like everybody else. Now, understand that I'm not making excuses for them; I'm just trying to answer your questions."

"I know you're not, sensei…" I threw my head back against his chair and inhaled deeply. "Do I really seem like the type to be in a relationship, or is what they were saying about me true? Am I just going to end up hurting Sasuke?"

"Everybody belongs in a relationship," Kakashi smiled gently, "nobody can tell you that you don't deserve one, and everybody hurts the ones they love. Misunderstandings always happen, but they'll clear up. If they don't, well, that's the fault of at least one of the people involved and they're pretty stupid for not apologizing.

"As for you hurting Sasuke, it'll happen at least once and he'll end up hurting you too. C'est la vie. The two of you will end up fixing it or Naruto will fix it for you. You two look like you belong together."

I glanced up at Kakashi suspiciously because it Kakashi was saying something like that, he knew something to support it. "How long have you known?"

"Known what?"

"That I liked Sasuke?"

"Oh, since you transferred in. It was painfully obvious. Every time the two of you got into a fight, you'd go sleep with someone then come talk to me about the fight, only mentioning towards the end of our discussion the fact that you had another one night stand. Every time Sasuke complimented you, your face lit up. Just talking to him seemed to make you happy."

"How is it you know everything about me before I even figure it out?"

"I've had years of experience at reading people."

I nodded, and bit my lip.

"Just don't listen to them, okay? None of them know what they're saying anyway. When you go to your 20 year high school reunion, you'll be a famous artist and Sasuke will be a famous lawyer and the two of you will still be together and Naruto will be your famous author of a best friend and everyone will wonder why they hated you back in high school," Kakashi grinned, he always seemed to be grinning lately.

"Sensei? Did you have sex last night? You're glowing," I asked, completely tactless as usual. Kakashi took it all in stride though, just like he usually did. He didn't seem like it, but he was a very patient man when he wanted to be.

"Yes, as a matter of fact, I did."

"Do I know them?"

"You might. I'm not sure how much time you spend at Naruto's…"

How much time I spend at Naruto's…? There were only two people at Naruto's; Naruto and his guardian, Iruka. So, unless Kakashi had decided to act just like every other teacher in this school and go after the students, he'd banged Iruka. And I told him so.

"Really, he just doesn't seem like your type…" I muttered. "He doesn't seem… loose enough…"

"Oh, he's not loose, not at all," Kakashi grinned like the pervert he was, leaving no room for doubt as to the activities performed during his time with the elementary school teacher.

"I'm not sure I want to be having this conversation with you…" and I really wasn't sure. It was one thing to talk about your love life with your teacher, but a completely different thing to talk about your _teacher's_ love life with your teacher. I looked at the clock behind Kakashi's head and winced.

"You're late for study hall?"

"Yeah, Genma's the worst when it comes to me being late. Always automatically assumes I was having sex with someone somewhere…"

"Even if I write you a note?"

"Especially if you write me a note. He thinks I blow you on a regular basis." I stood up and hoisted my book bag over my shoulder.

"I'll write you a note anyway, and beat Genma black and blue at the gym tonight," Kakashi grabbed a pen and a piece of his special, 'note-writing' paper and scribbled down a note for Genma in his illegible handwriting. "Plus," Kakashi continued, handing over the note with a smile, "there is no way I'd cum after only ten minutes."

"I don't know," I started for the door, "I've been told I have a pretty good mouth."

"I'm sure you do, but I'm a dom. I have wonderful self control."

"Oo; kinky," I stepped out into the hall and looked back at Kakashi. "Thanks, sensei, for talking with me."

"Anytime, kiddo, I'm glad I could help. Now git, before Genma's accusations become plausible."

I grinned and rolled my eyes, turning in the direction of study hall, feeling much better about everything, as I often did after talking to Kakashi. I felt as though, for the first time since as long as I could remember, I'd actually be able to make something work with someone on a long term basis. Yeah, there'd be hell of a lot of misunderstandings and hurt and words I don't mean to say, but I could do it. I really did like Sasuke and if what Kakashi-sensei had told me could be trusted, and he didn't usually speak unless he was completely sure of what he was saying, that would be enough to fix any problems that I accidentally started.

I started a lot of things accidentally… Like the kiss in the hallway this morning. That started because of an accidental remark about Sasuke's personality and ended with him pushing me against the lockers… not that I was complaining.

I stepped into the study hall room and immediately went over to Genma with my note. He leered at me like most of the teachers did and I went to the table I usually shared with Sasuke. Instead of sitting across from him, I took the chair to his left and as soon as I'd sat down, Sasuke had planted a kiss against my cheek.

"Talk with Kakashi go well?" he asked in a whisper.

"Yeah, he's sleeping with Iruka…" I replied and got out my math, the hardest subject for my left brained self; Sasuke was tutoring me.

"Really? They don't seem like they'd work… they probably balance each other out or something…"

"Probably," I dug my fingers into the muscles and tendons at the back of my neck, already feeling a tension headache coming on just looking at the trig.

"Need help?" Sasuke snorted at my pain.

"Yes, please," I looked at him with my best 'help me' innocent eyes and his own rolled, but he helped me anyway. I was paying him to.

Yeah, I figure I can pull this off.

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_**Masked-Writer-In-Disguise:**__ Well, there you have it… Review please and thank you for reading it…_


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